What now?

[Shikai]

What now? The thought raced through Alana’s mind, over and over, as though repetition would bring her the much-sought answer. What now? She swung her legs idly, for there was little for her body to do at the moment. Her mind and emotions, however, were hard at work. What now? What did one do, when one had been wallowing in mud all one’s life, only to suddenly be offered a hand, no, a dragon’s tail, grab hold, and be lifted free, free to experience the world and all that lay within it? Free to be oneself, to shine, to be happy? It was marvelous…but not as easy as ‘happily ever after’ had always seemed.

No, life wasn’t like a story. It would be nice to think so, if it were a happy story, but the fact was that that simply wasn’t the case. How could someone possibly leave behind everything they had ever known, felt, seen, experienced, and move flawlessly and easily into a happier new lifestyle? Whatever it was, however happy, sad, easy, or hard, it was her life. It was all she had had, all she had known, and she couldn’t drop it at a moment’s notice and embrace her new life. Not that quickly.

Almost blindly, Alana had stumbled along since arriving at the weyr, applying herself vigorously to chores, the one thing that had remained consistent. Yet, she knew, this was no way to live. She had been greatly privileged in being Searched, and here she was squandering it. She was stuck, caught in a rut between two worlds, her old life and her new one, which spread out far, so far, shrouded in the mists of mystery.

And that was why she had gone to where she was. Perched on the fence of the pen containing the herdbeasts, her legs swaying and her light brown hair blowing out behind her. Her hands gripped the structure for more support. Right now, the herdbeasts were peacefully grazing, chewing at the grass. But who knew when their peace would be shattered, when a dragon would swoop down from the sky and scoop one up, sending the herd into a panic as their fellow was eaten before them. Life and death, in constant motion.

Yet there was a strange, surreal beauty as well. It was almost calming, seeing life moving on so. Whatever happened, the herd grazed on. They were doomed, the lot of them, as all creatures were, but they kept on with their dull lives, no matter what. It was so easy for them, so why was she, Alana, having such difficulty adjusting?

Not adjusting, per se, she decided, but accepting. This was what she had always wanted, to be lifted free, but now that it had happened, she couldn’t believe it. The presence of her brother was both calming and irritating. He was, at least, a constant, something to connect her old life with her new one, a bridge of sorts. And of course, it was nice to have family near. But he had taken to the weyr quite easily, and seemed to be doing well. And that only gave Alana more reason to wonder at herself. She had always been used to caring for her siblings, and having that consume her time. Yet now she was far away from them, and free from responsibility. Yet that freedom didn’t feel like freedom, not now. It felt confusing, it what it was! Sharding confusing. The culture shock in the transition from her family’s small cothold to the busy, bustling weyr was immense, and poor Alana was simply lost in the new lifestyle. A life where she had options, choices. Oh so many choices!

The girl sighed, shaking her head as though that would clear the confusion from her mind, and thus sending her hair flying about her. Sorting things out wasn’t going to be easy, but clearly, it was necessary.

[Flamewolf]

Life was crazy. It was as simple as that. No matter what happens, no matter what you do to try to make things easier, it turns complicated once again. It's like a neverending circle. Coming up to the herdbeast pen, the young man leaned against the fence and gazed down at the relaxed beasts. They seemed so...oblivious to the conflicts in the lives around them. What made their lives so much simpler than theres? Kerji gazed at them with a certain respect. They had no quarel with the world, and yet they lived here...certainly amazing.

He was thankful that he had been pulled away from his holder life, away from the bullies and beatings he'd been living with. His eyes flickered to all the different beasts, from young to old, from one playing, to one eating. He frowned. Why was it that, though they were doomed, they were oblivious to the fact, and once a dragon was gone, the beasts became all relaxed agan. Even though they knew one would be coming back. How he wished he could act like that, but Kerji knew he'd always be quiet and withrdrawn, and not even the bonding of a dragon life mate could change that.

That little though pulled his mind into another direction. The whole "dragon" thing. Why that blue dragon had decided to search him, of all kids in the hold, he didn't know. After all, he was the most conserved kid of the whole hold. It just didn't make sense. And what dragon hatchling in their mind would impress him? Oh, well. It wasn't his fault, and plus; if it got him away from the other kids, he was happy. At least, he should be.

He blinked and was totally oblivious to the other candidate as he mulled through his thoughts, not coming to any conclusion.

[Shikai]

Lost in the hustle and bustle of weyr life, Alana let out a long sigh, that seemed to carry out all her sorrows and confusion along with her breath. Taking her eyes off of the herdbeasts in the pen for a moment, the candidate swung her gaze back up toward the weyr she was having such difficulty adjusting to. Yet it was not the large, majestic weyr that caught her immediate attention, but a boy, not much different in age than herself, startlingly close. “Aaaaahhh!” Alana let out a yelp of surprise as toppled down from the fence, landing gracelessly beside the boy. Grinning sheepishly up at him, she rubbed the side of her head with one hand as she pushed herself up with the other.

“Oh…hello there. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry! I didn’t notice you. But I should have, of course, since you were right…there. My name is Alana.”

She introduced herself, hoping he wouldn’t think she was too strange. Living with only her family for company, and no others for so far around, Alana had not really had friends as a child. Siblings yes, certainly yes, but friends who liked her entirely because of her personality, friends she met and chose and made herself, no. And with Tarren off, busy…busy being Tarren, no doubt, she could very much use a friend.

Alana wasn’t sure how the boy would react to her presence, or for her possible desire to be friends. Upon closer observation, the boy had a strange, sort of smudgy look, like when her youngest brother had once fallen down a steep hill and been left with no serious injuries, but many bruises. Had this boy fallen down a hill as well? Alana couldn’t, wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that he had been beaten by anyone, because who would wish such a horrible thing upon anyone, even an enemy?

Another feature that stood out about him was a certain almost hollow look, which she recognized as something she had seen often within herself. The look had began to fade from her own body, once she had been relieved of her constant duties and chores at the cothold, but it was still evident on this boy. Her heart went out to him immediately, and Alana felt the maternal desire to care for him, to help him. But for now, she didn’t even know his name, or his status within the weyr! While he had a wary appearance, she hoped he would stay, and at least give his name.

“So…what brings you to the herdbeast pen?” She began, in way of conversation.

[Flamewolf]

He relaxed somewhat as he forced his thoughts to slow. His mind seemed to click as everything settled down again, his eyes drifting across the features of the herdbeast pen without actually seeing them. When he heard a startled yell, the little "world" he was in shattered as he turned his head to see a girl, his age, on the ground next to him. His eyebrows arched him slight surprise, for he hadn't seen anyone here...around him. Though he remained calm, he wondered why he hadn't noticed her before. He blamed it on his thoughts.

Kerji flashed her a slightly uneasy smile. "That's ok," he replied. He was unused to people talking to him randomly. Shards, they usually talked with their fists, no their voice. This was definitely a change for him as the candidate watched her stand up. "I'm..Kerji," he supplied as an introduction. He shifted on his feet and stood up straight. One hand still resting on the fence, the other hanging by his side, he studied her for a quick second.

Wonderful, Kerji, he thought to himself, great start. She probably thinks you're some kind of freak who can't hold a single conversation because you're afraid! But was that neccessarily not true? In a way, he was afraid to start a conversation, afraid of where it will go and if it will bring the ending result that it usually has. Yet, he did want to have a conversation, so maybe he could make a friend, get to know somebody who wouldn't judge him because of...him. Maybe, things would be different here, different than back on regular Pern. After all, weyrlife had to be different than holdlife-right?

Yes, of course it had to. And plus; if the rumors were correct, these Dragonriders were from a long time ago, having jumped between to get here (though how they managed that he had NO idea). If they cared so much about Pern as to jump forward in time, risking their lives, they wouldn't care if he was..different than other people. And they wouldn't stand for people who cared and used their fists to satisfy that.

Forcing himself to calm down, Kerji waited a second as Alana spoke again before speaking himself. "Well...I usually come down here to just, well, collect my thoughts, I guess." He shrugged. "It's quiet down here, unless a dragon comes, so you aren't interrupted while thinking about stuff." There. He said it. As he smiled slightly, he was glad that he had actually said something instead of running away. It wasn't that hard. "What about you?" he asked.

[Shikai]

While Alana tried not to show it, she was slightly puzzled by his nervousness around her. She was far from imposing, being quite unsettled in her life herself, and she certainly wasn’t beautiful. Perhaps this boy was, like herself, unused to living in such a big, busy place? Alana had grown up in a tiny cothold, seeing no one with any regularity other than her immediate family, although from time to time, neighbors would come by for some reason or other. Or, maybe, he simply didn’t talk to people much.

Her brother Tarren, being far from discreet, would have asked him outright, but Alana wasn’t going to press the issue. If he was, for some reason, averse to her presence, she wouldn’t impose herself on him. By the looks of it, he had gone out to be alone, and here she was, rambling away at him! Alana chided herself for her discourtesy, and returned the boy’s uneasy smile with an awkward one of her own.

“Kerji,” Alana verified, testing the name with her own tongue, “A pleasure to meet you.” Alana had been considering making as dignified an exit as she could, having, after all, just fallen off the fence. However, as he spoke, his manner did not strike her as wanting to be rid of her, as much as a sort of fear, and uneasiness around her. Was it just her, or other people as well? Without another present, it was impossible to say. What was he afraid of? Alana didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially him, who seemed so…sad, somehow, to begin with. Hoping to alleviate his worries, whatever they concerned, she smiled again, this time a genuine, warm smile of acceptance.

“Why did I come here?” She repeated, a thoughtful expression passing over her face. “Why did I come here…” Alana said again, more to herself, than anyone. “Well, I suppose…I’m a little lost. I didn’t come here for any reason that I know of, I was just sort of…wandering.” Alana knew perfectly well the way back to the weyr, but that wasn’t the sort of ‘lost’ she was talking about.

“I’m happy to be here, at the weyr, of course, but still…I guess I just haven’t settled in yet. I’m just not used to, well…the possibilities. I always knew I wanted to do something more with my life than get married off and be some cotholder’s wife, caring for children and doing housework. But now that I’m here, now that I can do something more…it’s a bit of a shock.” She admitted, her eyes pleading silently that Kerji would understand somehow.

[Flamewolf]

Kerji began to genuinely relax. Alana was nice, he realized, and was quite surprised. He was so used to his home...much like her, he thought idly. The muscles started to unknot and you could tell by his figure that he was beginning to become more, mellow, I guess you could say. The candidate listened to her explanation and smiled. He understood.

"I know what you mean. You always yearn for something different, for something...more, I guess, than your current life. And when you finally get it; you have no idea of what to do." Which is sorta the way he felt now, but differently of coures because of his, erm, past.

Kerji was amazed at how comfortable he was becoming around her. His mind, his personality was blaring alarms inside him, that it was a trick, that nobody is really that nice, to bolt out of there the next time she blinks. But he stayed, because somehow he knew he was fine, and it was so alien to him yet inviting...he didn't want it to end. He smiled, a geniune smile, and waiting for her to answer again.

((Lol, sorry, I hadn't realized that you'd posted XD. My bad.))